*--WARNING THE FOLLOWING IS COMPLETE RAMBLINGS FROM 2:00 IN THE MORNING--*
Time has a very interesting effect. As a quick aside I don't like people making a big deal of "time" there is no such thing as time. Time is a unit of measurment that people have given to seperate actions.
Anyways
I was just examining my life and the way things play out. I'm 19 years old, I live with my fiancee, I'm half way through college, I own alot of stuff. Going into business for myself, getting married and having kids doesn't feel so far off. But as my memory seems to think last week I was sitting in my parents backyard making mud villages and infact yesterday I remeber as my first day of grade 9. There are people my age still living at home. I seem to have a very straight path lined up for myself, what exactly I am going to do is beyond me but I know I must keep pushing forward because I have an entire world to effect and only a limited time to do it. Ever since I was young I told myself I was not going to be a nobody, I want to be unique. Well as far as I know I am pretty unique or so my friends tell me haha. Though I don't feel I come off exactly as I wish I did. Though no one else does either. Scary thought if everyone knew exactly who you were. There are sides to everyone we don't know. Whether it's the pure joy they get from doing something for someone else. Or the muderous rage they feel towards an obnoxious guy on the bus. It's a very good thing people can't read mines cause then everyone would hate one another. Depending on the time you could pry open my head and find some very comforting/disgusting thoughts. I admire everyone alot more then I ever let on. It's intresting I have thought so many things about people that if they heard it they would be very touched that I had thought such things but our social situations keep me from expressing it. I guess it just keeps out the extremes it stops me from giving the nicest compliments but also from being a prick.
Speaking of that
When did I become such a conceded jerk?
I still can't get over how cocky I am. It came up awhile ago I over heard someone say to someone else while we were playing dota "You hate it when shane is cocky but your doing it right now" I was pretty offended initialy but then I asked around and got thinking and I realized wow they are right. My hypothisis of where this started is my father. My father used to sit me down when he was smashed and for hours would belittle me about how much of a failure I was, yadda yadda I became depressed yadda yadda and when I came out of my depression I acted cocky to compensate for my insecurities and the insecurities faded and the cockyness stayed. I have a deep fear of not being able to do simple tasks. lol like type at a keyboard. anyways it booted me out of my thought process so I'm done now ta ta.
